English – Plurals

We’ll begin with a box, and the plural is 
boxes,
But the plural of ox becomes oxen, not oxes.

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.

One fowl is a goose, but two are called geese,
Yet the plural of moose should never be meese.

.
.

You may find a lone mouse or a nest full of
mice,
Yet the plural of house is houses, not hice.

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.

If the plural of man is always called men,
Why shouldn’t the plural of pan be called pen?

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.

If I speak of my foot and show you my feet, 
And I give you a boot, would a pair be called beet?

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If one is a tooth and a whole set are teeth,
Why shouldn’t the plural of booth be called beeth?

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Then one may be that, and three would be those,
Yet that in the plural would never be hose,
And the plural of cat is cats, not cose.

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.

We speak of a brother and also of brethren,
But though we say mother, we never say methren.

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Then the masculine pronouns are he, his and him,
But imagine the feminine: she, shis and shim!

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Let’s face it – English is a crazy language.
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger;
Neither apple nor pine in pineapple.
English muffins weren’t invented in England.

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We take English for granted, but if we  
explore its paradoxes,
We find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square,
And a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

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And why is it that writers write, but fingers don’t fing,
Grocers don’t groce and hammers don’t ham?

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Doesn’t it seem crazy that you can make  
amends but not one amend?
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,
What do you call it?

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If teachers taught, why didn’t preachers praught?
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

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Sometimes I think all the folks who grew
up speaking English
Should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane.

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In what other language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?
We ship by truck but send cargo by ship.

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We have noses that run and feet that smell. 
We park in a driveway and drive in a parkway.

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And how can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same,
While a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

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You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a
language
In which your house can burn up as it burns down.

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In which you fill in a form by filling it out,
And in which an alarm goes off by going on.

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And in closing………. 
If Father is Pop, how come Mother’s not
Mop.????

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Credit: Thanks Bob
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