1. A man comes into the ER and yells. . . ‘My wife’s going to have her baby in the cab’.
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab,
lifted the lady’s dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs – and I was in the wrong one.
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a
stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient’s anterior chest wall.
‘Big breaths’ I instructed. ‘Yes, they used to be’ replied the patient.
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a ‘massive internal fart’.
4. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient, I asked ‘How long have you been bedridden?’.
After a look of complete confusion she answered ‘Why, not for about twenty years – when my husband was alive’.
5. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos and wearing strange clothing,
entered. It was quickly determined that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that read ‘Keep off the Grass’.
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon wrote a short note on the patient’s dressing, which said ‘Sorry – had to mow the lawn’.
6. A woman and a baby were in the doctor’s examining room, waiting for the doctor to come in for the baby’s first exam. The doctor arrived, and examined the baby, checked his weight, and being a little concerned, asked if the baby was breast-fed or bottle-fed.
‘Breast-fed’ she replied.
‘Well, strip down to your waist’ the doctor ordered.
She did. He pinched her nipples, pressed, kneaded and rubbed both breasts for a while in a very professional and detailed examination.
Motioning to her to get dressed, the doctor said ‘No wonder this baby is underweight. You don’t have any milk.’
‘I know’ she said, ‘I’m his Grandma, but I’m glad I came’.
Credit: Thanks Pamela