Category Archives: Bit Religious

Thief

An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening of church services when she was startled by an intruder.

She caught the man in the act of robbing her home of it’s valuables and yelled, “Stop! Acts 2:38!”

Repent and be baptized, in the name of Jesus Christ so that your sins may be forgiven.

The burglar stopped in his tracks.

The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done.

As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, “Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you.”

“Scripture?” replied the burglar. “She said she had an axe and two 38’s!”

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Credit: Thanks Charles
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Travel to the Land of Christmas

Lovely little Christmas animation called “Travel to the Land of Christmas” from Kisseo e-cards


(Image – Screen shot from the site)

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Credit: Thanks Kisseo.com
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Merry Christmas

Lovely Christmas animation from Kisseo e-cards


(Image – Screen shot from the site)

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Credit: Thanks Kisseo.com
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Merry Christmas Gateway

Merry Christmas Gateway animation from Kisseo e-cards 


(Image – Screen shot from the site)

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Credit: Thanks Kisseo.com
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Medical Christmas

Enjoy the imagination of hospital staff ……… Bravo !  Medical staff are very creative people.

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Credit: Thanks Pamela
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Christmas Angel

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.


Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.


When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.


Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.


Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.


Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood an angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully ‘Merry Christmas Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

 

 

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Not a lot of people know this……..

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Credit: Thanks Pamela
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Your Christmas Card – Build A Snowman

Click on the image to load your Christmas Card

 

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Credit: Thanks Pamela – image is screen shot from the site
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Scottish Divorce

A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says, “I hate to ruin your day but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.”

‘Dad, what are you talking about?’ the son screams.

“We can’t stand the sight of each other any longer” the father says.

“We’re sick of each other and I’m sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.”

Frantically, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.

“Like hell they’re getting divorced!” she shouts, “I’ll take care of this!”

She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father “You are NOT getting divorced.

Don’t do a single thing until I get there.

I’m calling my brother back, and we’ll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don’t do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?” and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife.

‘Sorted! They’re coming for Christmas – and they’re paying their own way.’

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Credit: Thanks Pamela
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Christmas Eve – In Australia

Twas the night before Christmas; there wasn’t a sound.
Not a possum was stirring; no-one was around.

We’d left on the table some tucker and beer
Hoping that Santa Claus soon would be here
We children were snuggled up safe in our beds
While dreams of pavlova danced ’round in our heads.

And Mum in her nightie, and Dad in his shorts
Had just settled down to watch TV sports
When outside the house a mad ruckus arose
Loud squeaking and banging woke us from our doze.

We ran to the screen door, peeked cautiously out
Snuck onto the deck, then let out a shout
Guess what had woken us up from our snooze
But a rusty old Ute pulled by six mighty ‘roos.

 The cheerful man driving was giggling with glee
And we both knew at once who this plump bloke must be
Now, I’m telling the truth it’s all dinki-di
Those six kangaroos fairly soared through the sky.

Santa leaned out the window to pull at the reins
And encouraged the ‘roos, by calling their names
‘Now, Kylie! Now, Shazza and Shane!
On Kipper! On, Bazza and Wayne!

Park up on that water tank. Grab a quick drink
I’ll scoot down the gum tree. Be back in a wink!
So up to the tank those six kangaroos flew
With the Ute full of toys, and Santa Claus too.

He slid down the gum tree and jumped to the ground
Then in through the window he sprang with a bound
He had bright sunburned cheeks and a milky white beard
A jolly old joker was how he appeared.

He wore red stubby shorts and old thongs on his feet
And a hat of deep crimson as shade from the heat
His eyes – bright as opals – Oh! How they twinkled
And, like a goanna, his skin was quite wrinkled!

His shirt was stretched over a round bulging belly
Which shook when he moved, like a plate full of jelly
A fat stack of prezzies he flung from his back
And he looked like a swaggie unfastening his pack.

He spoke not a word, but bent down on one knee
To position our goodies beneath the yule tree
Surfboard and footy-ball shapes for us two
And for Dad, tongs to use on the new barbeque.

A mysterious package he left for our Mum
Then he turned and he winked and he held up his thumb
He strolled out on deck and his ‘roos came on cue
Flung his sack in the back and prepared to shoot through.

He bellowed out loud as they swooped past the gates
MERRY CHRISTMAS to All
Goodonya, Mates!

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Credit: Thanks John
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Colourful Christmas Collection

Something to brighten your day

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Credit: Thanks to so many
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