Category Archives: Bit Religious

Young Monk

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

We missed the

R

We missed the

R

We missed the bloody

R

 

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His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old Abbot “What’s wrong, father?”

With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,

“The word was ….

C E L E B R A T E !”

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Credit: Thanks Johnny P
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Visit from the Devil

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.  Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one man who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said ‘Do you know who I am?’

The man replied ‘Yep, sure do.’

‘Aren’t you afraid of me?’ Satan asked.

‘Nope, sure ain’t’ said the man.

‘Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?’ asked Satan.

‘Don’t doubt it for a minute ‘ returned the man, in an even tone.

‘Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?’ persisted Satan.

‘Yep’ was the calm reply.

‘And you’re still not afraid?’ asked Satan.

‘Nope’ said the man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked ‘ Why aren’t you afraid of me?’

The man calmly replied ‘Been married to your sister for many years.’

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Credit: Thanks Pamela
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Harley-Davidson Inventor

The inventor of the Harley-Davidson motorcycle, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St Peter told Arthur ‘Since you’ve been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is that you can hang out with anyone you want to in heaven.’

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said ‘I want to hang out with God.’

St Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God.

God recognized Arthur and commented ‘Okay, so you were the one who invented the Harley-Davidson motorcycle?’

Arthur said ‘Yeah, that’s me…’

God commented ‘Well, what’s the big deal in inventing something that’s pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution and can’t run without a road?’

Arthur was a bit embarrassed, but finally spoke ‘Excuse me, but aren’t you the inventor of woman?’

God said ‘Ah, yes.’

‘Well’ said Arthur, ‘professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention! For example:

1. There’s too much inconsistency in the front-end suspension

2. It chatters constantly at high speeds

3. Most rear ends are too soft and wobble about too much

4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust

5. The maintenance costs are outrageous!!!!

‘Hmmmmm, you may have some good points there’ replied God, ‘hold on.’

God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it.

‘Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed’ God said to Arthur, ‘but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours’.

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Credit: Thanks Pamela
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Christmas 2016 (GIFS)

Our Christmas is usually very hot, and quite often wet – it would be lovely to have a White Christmas

(visit)

 

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Credit: Thanks to so many
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Christmas Angel

When four of Santa’s elves got sick, the trainee elves did not produce toys as fast as the regular ones and Santa began to feel the Pre-Christmas pressure.


Then Mrs. Claus told Santa her Mother was coming to visit, which stressed Santa even more.


When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two others had jumped the fence and were out, Heaven knows where.


Then when he began to load the sleigh, one of the floorboards cracked, the toy bag fell to the ground and all the toys were scattered.


Frustrated, Santa went in the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered the elves had drunk all the cider and hidden the liquor. In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider jug, and it broke into hundreds of little glass pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found the mice had eaten all the straw off the end of the broom.


Just then the doorbell rang, and an irritated Santa marched to the door, yanked it open, and there stood an angel with a great big Christmas tree. The angel said very cheerfully ‘Merry Christmas Santa. Isn’t this a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?’

And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

 

 

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Not a lot of people know this……..

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Credit: Thanks Pamela
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