Category Archives: Humour

Animal Quips #28

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Credit: Thanks to so many
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A Betting Man

A strong young man at a construction site was bragging that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had enough.

‘Why don’t you put your money where your mouth is’ he said.

‘I will bet a week’s wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won’t be able to wheel back.’

‘You’re on old man’  the braggart replied. ‘Let’s see you do it.’

The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles.

Then, nodding to the young man, he said:

‘All right, wise-guy, get in.’

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Credit: Thanks Ben
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Happy Father’s Day

A retired older couple return to a Mercedes dealership where the salesman has just sold the car they were interested in to a beautiful, leggy, busty brunette in a mini skirt and a halter top.

The old man was visibly upset.

He spoke to the salesman sharply.

“Young man, I thought you said you would hold that car till we raised the $55,000 asking price,” said the older man. “Yet I just heard you closed the deal for $45,000 to the lovely young lady there. And if I remember right, you had insisted there was no way you could discount this model.”

The salesman took a deep breath, cleared his throat and reached for a large glass of water.

“Well, what can I tell you? She had the cash ready, didn’t need any financing help, and, Sir, just look at her, how could I resist?” replied the grinning salesman sheepishly. Just then the young woman approached the senior couple and gave the car keys to the old man.

“There you go,” she said. “I told you I could get that idiot to lower the price…. See you later, Dad, Happy Father’s Day.”

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Credit: Thanks Pamela
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Priceless Moments from Big Bang Theory – Sheldon’s Mom’s Visit

Mrs Mary Cooper, is the best ….

For Grandma and Grandpa #2

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Credit: Thanks to so many
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Young Monk

A young monk arrives at the monastery. He is assigned to helping the other monks in copying the old canons and laws of the church, by hand.

He notices, however, that all of the monks are copying from copies, not from the original manuscript.

So, the new monk goes to the Old Abbot to question this, pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the first copy, it would never be picked up! In fact, that error would be continued in all of the subsequent copies.

The head monk, says, “We have been copying from the copies for centuries, but you make a good point, my son.”

He goes down into the dark caves underneath the monastery where the original manuscripts are held as archives, in a locked vault that hasn’t been opened for hundreds of years. Hours go by and nobody sees the Old Abbot.

So, the young monk gets worried and goes down to look for him. He sees him banging his head against the wall and wailing.

We missed the

R

We missed the

R

We missed the bloody

R

 

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His forehead is all bloody and bruised and he is crying uncontrollably.

The young monk asks the old Abbot “What’s wrong, father?”

With a choking voice, the old Abbot replies,

“The word was ….

C E L E B R A T E !”

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Credit: Thanks Johnny P
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Cartoon Quips #16 – Sign of the Times

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Credit: Thanks to so many
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Funny Quips #17

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Credit: Thanks to so many
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Animal Quips #27

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Credit: Thanks to so many
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Visit from the Devil

A few minutes before the church services started, the congregation was sitting in their pews and talking.  Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church.

Everyone started screaming and running for the back entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from evil incarnate. Soon the church was empty except for one man who sat calmly in his pew without moving, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God’s ultimate enemy was in his presence.

So Satan walked up to the man and said ‘Do you know who I am?’

The man replied ‘Yep, sure do.’

‘Aren’t you afraid of me?’ Satan asked.

‘Nope, sure ain’t’ said the man.

‘Don’t you realize I can kill you with one word?’ asked Satan.

‘Don’t doubt it for a minute ‘ returned the man, in an even tone.

‘Did you know that I can cause you profound, horrifying agony for all eternity?’ persisted Satan.

‘Yep’ was the calm reply.

‘And you’re still not afraid?’ asked Satan.

‘Nope’ said the man.

More than a little perturbed, Satan asked ‘ Why aren’t you afraid of me?’

The man calmly replied ‘Been married to your sister for many years.’

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Credit: Thanks Pamela
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